


The Minor Fall

by notgingah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, One Shot, domestiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:49:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgingah/pseuds/notgingah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot. Dean comes home after a hunt goes wrong, and makes a decision with a little help from a song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Minor Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters! Thanks to Jacqueline for reading this and giving me the confidence boost to post my first fic in years (even if it's just a one-shot).

Dean dragged his feet up the stairs, almost too exhausted to make it up to his apartment. Pulling his key out of his pocket, he unlocked the door. It was long past midnight and the lights in the hall were off. Cas should have been asleep by now, but a faint light came from the direction of the living room. Dean could hear the quiet sounds of Cas’s favorite song coming from the stereo system Cas had given him for Christmas:

_I heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played and it pleased the Lord…_

 

No matter how many times Cas heard that song, he never seemed to get sick of it. Maybe that was why Dean didn’t either.

Dean dropped his bag and coat in the hallway. Cas would complain but he’d have to pick them up later. Tonight, he just doesn’t have it in him to care. Rubbing the bridge of his nose in an attempt to get rid of the headache throbbing behind his eyes, Dean walked as quietly as he could into the living room. Castiel was there, reading by the light of a small lamp in the overstuffed armchair that he likes to sit in when Dean is gone. Says that it smells like him. He was peering down at the book over his glasses, eyebrows furrowed in that way Dean loves so much. When he had first become human, Cas didn't have any wrinkles. Now, he was starting to develop crinkles above his nose and laugh lines around his eyes that mirrored Dean’s.  

Dean stood there watching him for a while before Castiel noticed that he was not alone. He looked up, his face changing in an instant from concentration to concern.

_Your faith was strong, but you needed proof..._

 

“Dean,” he said, the surprise evident in his voice. “I wasn’t expecting you for 3 more days. What happened?” 

Dean looked down at his shoes, shaking his head. “I caught up with the damn thing sooner than I thought. At first I thought it was luck but...it figured out I was onto it. Saw me coming, laid a trap.” 

Cas took off his glasses and set them down on the table with his book. In one smooth motion he stood up and came over to Dean, the concerned look on his face intensifying. “Are you hurt? Did you kill it?”

“I’m fine, I guess and yeah, I got it in the end. But...I couldn’t save the kid,” Dean answered, unable to meet Cas’s eyes. “He used this kid, this little girl, no more than 8 or 9 years old as a hostage. Ganked him, but not before he killed her.” 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, one hand stroking the hair at the back of his neck. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

“Nothin’ to be sorry for, Cas. I just wasn’t fast enough.” 

Cas shook his head. “No Dean, this isn’t on you.” His hand moved to the side of Deans face, thumb resting his cheekbone. He turned Dean's face towards him. “Dean, look at me and tell me that you know this isn’t your fault.” 

 

_Baby I’ve been here before,_

_I know this room, I’ve walked this floor,_

_I used to live alone before I knew you..._

 

Dean forced himself to meet Cas’s gaze. The angel looked up at him with the seriousness that Dean had become so accustomed to back when he really was an angel. Many times he had found courage in Castiel’s eyes that he couldn’t get anywhere else, but tonight all he could see were the big, scared eyes of that little girl looking at him, begging him to help her. The light going out of those eyes as the monster gutted her. 

 

_Love is not a victory march,_

_It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah..._

 

Dean shook his head, breaking the gaze. “Cas, I can’t. Not tonight. I just want to go to sleep.”

 

Cas nodded, and dropped his arms. Dean missed them, but tonight he didn’t think he could feel comfort or good things. Dean moved away from him, finding his way to the dark bedroom. He sat down on the bed, head in his hands. The faint sound of the song followed him, the lyrics feeling suddenly all too real.

 

_There was a time when you let me know_

_What’s really going on below,_

_But now you never show that to me do you?_

 

Castiel came in silently, kneeling down and removing Dean's boots. Dean let Cas put his feet up on the bed and lay back, eyes closed. He felt the weight of Cas on the bed beside him, not touching him, just there.

 

_Remember when I moved in you,_

_The holy dove was moving too,_

_And every breath we drew was hallelujah?_

 

Dean knew that Cas wouldn’t be the one to initiate contact, wouldn’t touch him unless Dean wanted him to. He had spent enough of their time together pushing Cas away that the angel was used to letting him have his space when he got like this, accepting it as part of their relationship. Dean wondered how long it would be until that distance ended them. How until Cas got tired of not being let in? He showed no signs of it yet, but Dean knew. He had seen it happen before. The people who loved him got sick of being held at arm’s length, unable to understand why he always pushed him away. He didn't have words to say it, to say that he was saving them, that it was better if they left before he hurt them worse. But they got hurt all the same.

Dean had often imagined Castiel leaving him. He had seen it in his head. Just one day, after all these years, unable to take it any more the angel would pack his bags and leave. The thought of it left Dean winded, but he knew it was inevitable. Dean could never see himself happy, not even with Castiel. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dean could never believe that anything good would stay so he made sure it didn't.  

_Maybe there’s a God above,_

_But all I ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you…_

 

Maybe it was just that moment, but something caught Dean and held him. Something that made him want to prolong the inevitable. Future be damned, he was happy now. He loved Cas now. Maybe Cas would leave him in the end (everyone did) but hell, Dean wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Now would have to be good enough.

He reached out his hand, taking Cas’s. If the angel was surprised he didn't show it. Castiel wove his fingers with Dean's, and although Dean couldn’t hear it, it seemed like he had breathed a sigh of relief. Eyes still closed, Dean reached out for him in the dark and Castiel folded him up in his arms. Dean’s head rested on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his torso. Dean could feel Cas's chest rise and fall underneath him. He let the pain, anger, and failure that he had carried in him all day wash over him, holding onto Castiel like he was some kind of rock in a storm. Castiel didn’t say a word, just gently ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. 

 

_Hallelujah, hallelujah,_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah._


End file.
